Caitlin And The Cowboy (Western Night Series 4) Page 4

  “I feel much better too. Could I maybe get up and spend some time in the garden today?” she asked hopefully. She had managed a few hours in front of the fire the day before, but she longed for some fresh air.

  “I don’t see why not. We need to build your strength and your stamina again. Your farm will need you hale and hearty,” he teased. Briefly Caitlin felt an odd tug at her heart. Part of her was excited, and hopeful she could return to setting up her new venture, but a large part of her knew that this would mean she no longer got to spend every day with Albert. “Would you like some assistance getting dressed, or are you going to manage alone like you did yesterday?” he winked at her cheekily.

  “I have no intention of taking any steps back now,” she vowed determinedly. “I shall dress and even walk down the stairs without your help today.”

  “And should you do so, what would you like your reward to be?” he asked clearly amused by her determination. Caitlin thought about it for a moment, unsure. He had already been so kind, she truly didn’t feel she could ask for anything more. But then she remembered something that had seemed like a dream, but was sure that it had been real.

  “Would you read to me?” she asked eagerly. “I know you did while I was still in bed, but I wasn’t able to truly give you my fullest attention, I would love to hear about Tom Sawyer and Hucklebury Finn’s adventures if you wouldn’t mind?” His face lit up, and she realized that she couldn’t have asked for anything that would please him more.

  “I would be delighted. If you didn’t get to take it all in the first time around I would be remiss not to fill in the blanks! I shall make us a nice cup of tea and fetch the book. I shall see you in the garden.” He hurried off and Caitlin was left with a smile. He had looked so boyishly exuberant, as excited about his stories as she was about her horses. She had always enjoyed being around any person who had passion for what they did. Albert had passion to spare for words and knowledge, it shone out of his sparkling eyes, lit up his pale cheeks and made him seem fully alive.

  “Ta dah!” she said as she stood in the doorway watching him prepare a comfortable seat for her. He had dragged out the worn chaise longue from the tiny parlour and was draping it with blankets.

  “Congratulations, you even got it on round the right way today,” he said looking at her dress. Caitlin smiled, when they had tried to dress her just a few days previously she had been confounded by the layers of petticoats and ties required, and had somehow managed to put the dress on back to front. She supposed it was the confusion of the illness, and her being so used to wearing men’s clothing now that a dress had simply seemed too much. But she felt pretty in the delicate floral print dress today. It seemed to suit the early summer sunshine well. Albert came to her side and assisted her to the seat. She sat down on it, and allowed him to fuss around her with pillows and to wrap her up warmly. It still surprised her just how cold she felt, the sun was warm here in Texas at this time of year, and Albert was in his shirtsleeves, and she could still see tiny beads of sweat forming on his brow.

  “I’ve made us some lemonade, and Mariette had her cook send over some cake so we shall have a delightful afternoon,” Albert announced contentedly. Caitlin took a few deep breaths. She was proud of her achievements, but it had taken a lot out of her. She lay back, and rested her eyes as he bustled around like a little mother hen. She found it funny that he seemed to have all the womanly traits of care and compassion that she lacked.

  Finally he settled by her side, and took up the book. He began to read and Caitlin was soon lost inside a world of high adventure. Albert had such a lovely voice, rich like butterscotch, smooth like the best hot chocolate and he imbued each character with their own voice and even acted out their mannerisms as he read. It was delightful, and Caitlin couldn’t help but be jealous that his students got to listen to him read every day.

  “Thank you,” she whispered as he put the book down and came to her side. “I am still awake this time,” she assured him. His warm hand pressed against her forehead, he knelt by her side.

  “I think it is time we took you back ot bed my dear.” She nodded, though she didn’t want him to move. It was so lovely to be so close that she could feel the warmth of his skin emanating out towards her. She wanted to put her arms around his slender neck, and pull his beloved face down to her own so she could kiss him. But she didn’t. She let him pick her up and carry her upstairs, she was too tired to try and argue that she could do it herself, and she longed to be in his arms. She felt so safe there.

  “Albert, will you stay with me whilst I sleep?” she asked nervously as he placed her tenderly on the bed.

  “I shall be right by your side,” he said. “But I shall leave you to undress alone. It would not be proper for me to stay now you are able to do such things for yourself.” She flushed a little as she thought about how many times he had seen her without her clothes, and how much he had needed to do for her over the past weeks. “Caitlin, I did my best not to look,” he said clearly trying to calm her fears. Little did he know that she didn’t mind one bit. But it was clear that he had found nothing to his liking, he seemed so indifferent to being around her now.

  She undressed slowly, and then called him back in once she was safely under the covers once more. “Albert, you don’t have to stay,” she called, knowing he would be right outside the door. “I am fine,” she said wearily. Expecting him to just go downstairs she was surprised to look up and see him by her side just moments later. She hadn’t heard him cross the floor. He truly did walk so lightly. His face looked unusually serious, as if he was steeling himself to tell her something dreadful. She felt her pulse quicken and her heart began to thud so in her chest she thought it may escape its confines.

  “Caitlin, it will not be long before you will be well enough to return to your farm.” She nodded, wondering where he intended to take this conversation. She knew he had no feelings for her, at least no more than as a friend or patient. “Dear girl, you do not know what caring for you has cost me.”

  “I shall reimburse you anything,” she cried. He looked at her as if he may sob. “Albert, I would not have you out of pocket on my behalf. I am not a penniless waif. I can afford to pay my way.”

  “I did not mean financially my dear. I would pay any amount of money to see you well and where you belong, back on horseback and riding this stunning landscape. No, Caitlin I meant that I have had feeling for you from the first that have become harder and harder to keep to myself. I know you have no intentions of marrying, nor do you have any need to do so, but I could keep my silence no longer. I love you with all my heart, and the privilege of being so close, caring for you has been strangely one of the best times of my life.” His eyes were filling with tears, and Caitlin seemed to have lost all power to speak.

  He was just turning to leave, had almost made it to the door when he turned. “I never expected anything in return, and I never will. I will arrange for someone else to care for you if you would prefer, you should be past the point of being contagious now.” His beautiful head was hung so low, but Caitlin was still so amazed she couldn’t find the words to make him stay, to tell him she felt the same way.

  “Albert, please don’t go,” she finally managed, but she was so tired that it was little more than a whisper and he didn’t hear her. She could already hear the tread of his shoes on the stairs as he moved further away from her. Caitlin could feel the tears pouring down her cheeks as she thought of his heart breaking for no need, but she couldn’t seem to summon up the energy she needed to get up, to run after him to tell him she adored him.

  Chapter Seven

  Albert sat by the range, wondering if he should go and see Mariette. He had taken a chance, he had been so sure that he had seen a look of desire, of love in her eyes as he had picked her up and taken her up to rest, had decided he had to take the chance that he had been right. But he had been so wrong. She had been so stunned by his revelation that she hadn’t said a single word. She was well enou
gh now that somebody else could take over her care, he would leave her be.

  “Anybody home? Am I safe to come in and see you both yet?” Mariette’s booming voice called through the door. Even in his sadness he laughed. He was still surprised he had forced her to keep her distance this long.

  “In the kitchen Mariette, I think you should be safe now. The fever hasn’t returned in over a week though she tires very easily still.”

  “Looks like you do to, either that or you have been crying,” she said perceptively. Albert gave her a wry smile.

  “Nothing gets past you does it?”

  “What? Like the fact you knew I was pregnant, that kind of thing?” she asked with a wink. “How did you know by the way?”

  “You are filling out nicely, and you have a bit of a glow Mariette,” he said glad to talk about her rather than himself.

  “So, is it exhaustion or something else?” she asked. Clearly he was not going to be allowed to wallow in his pain alone. “No, let me guess. I predict unrequited feelings for your patient?”

  “Something like that,” he admitted.

  “Don’t be so quick to rule anything out Albert. I know it was some time ago now, but I am sure I saw something in her eyes whenever I mentioned your name.”

  “But, she has spent weeks alone with me since then, that is long enough for her to make a more informed judgement and find me lacking.”

  “Oh don’t be so ridiculous Albert Dalligan. No woman in her right mind would find you lacking. Just because you choose not to be a cowboy doesn’t make you any less of a man. You could do so if you chose, and a little bird has whispered to me that indeed in one of your many past lives you did just that.”

  “Just because I can doesn’t change the fact that I am not a manly man Mariette.”

  “Stop feeling so damn sorry for yourself. You choose not to be some kind of meat-headed oaf. So what? I personally prefer a man to have an education and know how to use his mind – no matter what his credentials are on the land.”

  “And that is why you are married to an out and out cowboy!” Albert said angrily.

  “How dare you, I won’t deny Hardy is beautifully built, but he has a clever mind to go with that body – and I have seen you when you have helped them out, you have just as much strength as any of them, and twice the brains.”

  “That may be what you look for Mariette, but I get the feeling that Caitlin, if she is looking for anyone at all, would prefer someone more like Caleb or Hardy than me.”

  “I have had enough of this. You go home. I will get someone to come and sit with Caitlin when I can’t. Pull yourself together, and bring back the man I dragged here kicking and screaming to be our School Master. You can be both if you choose, most men do not have that luxury. I would hate to lose you, as would everyone in town – but if you think that you need to become a cowboy again, then do so. Take some time, think about what you truly want. Until you rectify your head you are no good for Caitlin anyway.”

  He wasn’t happy to be shunted from the little cottage without even saying goodbye to his patient, and he hated that Mariette was right. He had fought against his own nature for most of his life. He was clearly still haunted by the comments his Father, and so many other men made even now of him when they found out about his love of books and learning. He was expected to be like them, to ride out and herd the cattle. To be tough and strong, rather than tender and caring. He didn’t deserve someone like Caitlin, who knew exactly who she was and had been prepared to head out in search of a place where she could just be herself. He was still trying to please everyone, and failing miserably.

  He went to the stables and saddled up Monty. The horse had barely been out since his mistress had taken ill. Mariette had brought him down where he could be cared for. Gamling hadn’t been out either, but he just looked grateful. Monty was fresh, side-stepping and rearing as Albert put on his tack. “Come on boy, let’s go and work this all out,” he said as he slapped his solid neck firmly. Monty whinnied and shook his fine head and the two raced out of town and up into the hills.

  Albert didn’t so much as look around him as they raced through the fading light. He just trusted the horse to take him wherever it was he needed to go. Monty finally stopped at the river, and Albert took in the way it wound its way through the landscape. Here there were vast plains, banked with high mountains, lush greens beside the harsh red earth. It was a place of contrasts, of stark and elegant beauty. He dismounted and let Monty dip his head into the river for a well earned drink.

  Monty was sweating from his exertions, so Albert rubbed him down carefully. The task was somehow calming. The sameness of the motion and rhythm allowed him to let his thoughts drift. He felt content as he peacefully set about his task. It was the first time he could ever remember feeling that way. “So Monty, what should I do?” he asked the now peaceful horse. Monty just nibbled at a lush outcropping of grass. Albert laughed at himself for talking to a horse, but a thought struck him as he did so, that Monty like all horses knew exactly who and what he was. He had no dilemma to solve about his purpose. It was clear to him, and so he just did what he knew he should.

  Mariette, Hardy, Caleb, Susannah, even Annie were like that. They knew who they were. What they did came as naturally to them as breathing. Caitlin too. So why was he different? Why did he question his every decision so? He thought back over his life, the bullying from not just his schoolmates for being smaller and quieter than they were – but from his Father for not being the manly and bold adventurer he had wanted him to be.

  Oh he had tried to please him. He had come out West. That had left his Father speechless, for a short while at least. He had tried his hand at prospecting, ranching, mining – all the manly pursuits he knew his Father wanted him to succeed at. But it had been his work in the hospital, and now here with the children that truly made his heart sing. But his taking such positions had resulted in a torrent of abuse, and finally a silence from his family that hurt him more than he had ever admitted to himself. His Mother he knew would only want him to be happy, but he had clearly managed to burn all bridges with his Father.

  But did that matter? If he was so foolish as to disown his son for helping to protect the health and wellbeing of others, or improving their minds surely that was his loss, and not Albert’s? Albert loved his work, both with the children and when he was called upon for his expertise in healing around the town too. Why should he be ashamed of that? Why did he continue to believe that he would be happier if only he could please his Father? He knew that in order to do so, he would have to give both up, to be a man he didn’t like.

  He thought about the first night he had met Caitlin, her admission that she had left her brother’s oppressive regime, finally winning his respect by telling him she couldn’t fit herself into the box he wanted for her. He wanted that freedom, wanted to let his Father know that no matter what, he was his own man and would define his own success or lack of it from now on. Quickly he leapt onto Monty’s back and raced towards Fort Worth. He had a train to catch.

  Chapter Eight

  Caitlin sat in the rocker on her porch, and looked out at the field of horses that were now hers. She couldn’t help but see the one that was missing, her beloved bay Monty. She would have been happy to give him to Albert, for everything he had done for her, but she felt a little hurt that he had just taken him and disappeared. Nobody had any idea where he had gone. He seemed to have taken nothing with him. Both Caitlin and Mariette were very worried about him. Caitlin had told her friend of the last conversation they had shared, and Mariette had told her of the talking to she had given him immediately afterwards. Both now felt guilty that he had left them, and the town altogether.

  She had brought Gamling up to the farm with her. He seemed to love his new home, and every day as she fed and groomed the old horse Caitlin prayed that his owner would one day return. She sighed and got up. This would do no good, she had work to do. She trudged to the stable, picked up her fork and starte
d to muck out the stalls. It was dull work, and the smell was never pleasant no matter how many times you did it, but it had to be done and it could pass the time quickly when you had things on your mind. She was soon lost in her task, and didn’t hear the approach of hooves up the driveway.

  “Caitlin? Miss Macgregor?” Startled by the voice she had so longed to hear, she almost fell into the pile of manure she had just dumped onto the large heap outside so it could rot down and be of use to her vegetable patch. She heard a chuckle she knew almost as well as she knew her own and her legs gave way beneath her, and she found herself on her backside in the stinking mess.

  “Albert? Mr Dalligan?” She struggled to her feet, feeling highly self conscious. She must look a complete state, covered in muck and stinking as she did. What a way to welcome him home? “Monty!” she cried as she saw her beloved bay walking behind the man she adored. She ran to him, knowing he wouldn’t care how much dirt or dung she had been rolling in, he would always love her. She clasped her arms around his neck, and nuzzled with him happily. “I thought I would never see you again.” She said it to her horse, but she meant both of them. She could feel the tears pouring down her cheeks.

  “Here,” Albert said as he took out his handkerchief and wiped them away. “I think we should get you into a hot bath and soon,” he said with a smile.

  “We were all so worried, where have you been?” she cried, wanting to hold him, to tell him how she felt. But so long had passed since he had left believing she didn’t care for him, and she didn’t want to soil him as well as herself. He looked so handsome in his smart suit and new hat.

  “I had to visit my family. I needed to tell my Father who I was, and that whether he wanted that or not I was not going to change for him.”

  “That must have been difficult. I know how hard it was for me to tell my brother that I couldn’t be the woman he wanted me to be, I cannot imagine how much harder it must be for a son to say that to his Father.”